Communication is a two-way exchange. When thinking about communication skills we tend to focus on how to get across what we want to say and presenting our ideas carefully. The other side of the exchange is just as important, though: how to listen properly to what other people are saying, interpret it accurately and get a genuine dialogue going.
How communication works
—
Listening
—
Asking questions
—
Giving feedback
Communication involves making sense of people’s body language, tone of voice and silences, as well as paying attention to their words.
Psychologist Albert Mehrabian carried out a study in the 1980s which found that people decoded the intent behind what a speaker was saying 55% of the time from visual clues, 38% from tone of voice and 7% from the actual words. He called these non-verbal signs the ‘silent messages’ of communication. One of his discoveries was that when words and silent messages are in conflict, people are more likely to believe the non-verbal part over the words.
It gives you an opportunity to just share some of the challenges that are going on without talking to someone who’s going to judge you. I like the aspect of it where it’s leading you to reach your own conclusions rather than telling you what you should be doing and what you shouldn’t be doing
Student on a mentoring programme for young entrepreneurs
Listen to each of these three short audio clips in turn. Have a piece of paper handy to jot down your answers to the questions. The right answers are given at the end of the section.
Clip 1
a. How many people are going by car, as far as we know?
b. How is Chinelo getting there?
c. Where does Janice live?
Clip 2
a. Who attended the meeting?
b. Who didn't go?
c. On what day did the meeting take place?
Clip 3
a. How long has the supervisor been a manager?
b. How many miles does the supervisor cycle in a week?
c. How many grandchildren does she have?
Listening is an underestimated skill. It takes practice to listen well – to really hear what is being communicated and understand its full meaning. As a mentor you should listen more than you talk, paying close attention to the student’s words, their tone and body language. All three things together equal the intent – what the student is saying (in words) and saying/not saying (in the silent messages).
Careful listening means you’re able to:
Pick up on the student’s intent
—
Make it explicit by replaying (or re-framing) it
—
Talk about it
Here are some tips for careful listening. You can do all of them in an online environment and most of it on a phone call. It doesn’t always have to be face-to-face.
If face-to-face, get together in a conducive environment, where it’s quiet and without interruptions
—
Prepare yourself to be psychologically ‘present’ – leave distractions behind
—
Use your own body language to demonstrate listening and engagement – eye contact, encouraging facial expressions, encouraging movements
—
Check that you’re getting the message by asking pertinent questions
—
Play back or summarise what you think the student has communicated – including their silent messages
What are some of the barriers to careful listening?
Mentors ask questions to help students:
“I’ve never recalled a time where my mentor said, “You should do it my way,” or “Do this because I did it and it worked for me.” He’s never said that. What he’s always worded it as is, “Well, we’ve talked about it. It’s not quite worked,” or “We need to work on it a little bit. You might want to think about doing it this way, this way or this way. What do you think?””
Student on a sports mentoring programme
‘Open’ questions are useful because they invite a response – they can’t be answered with just yes or no. Here are a few other open questions the mentor could ask in a situation like the one this student describes:
Think of open questions you could ask in each of these three situations, where a student you are mentoring says to you:
1. I don’t feel I’m fitting into the team very well
—
2. The work I’m being given to do isn’t helping me to learn much, and I’m afraid of not meeting my goals
—
3. I haven’t really felt all that confident about carrying out the tasks given to me this week
At its most basic, feedback lets students know how well they are doing. It can also raise self-awareness, increase motivation, encourage learning, reassure, stimulate and help to improve performance.
It’s easy to give positive feedback (“well done!”). But too much of it saps confidence and motivation, especially where it’s felt to be indiscriminate or not really deserved. Giving feedback where performance is less good than it should be, or where there’s a clear need for development, can actually be more useful – as long as it’s done constructively and doesn’t lessen the student’s sense of themselves.
Here’s a good way to think about feedback before you give it.
Balanced: how well balanced was the focus on the student’s strengths and areas for development?
Observed: to what extent did the feedback reflect actual observations of the student’s work?
Objective: how much was it is based on observed performance/behaviour rather than personality?
Specific: what examples were given to back up the feedback?
Timely: how timely was it – did you take the opportunity to give feedback at the right time?
Using the BOOST model, think about a time when you’ve been given feedback on your work. What can you learn about giving feedback yourself, as a mentor?
There are many different models too support the planning of effective and constructive feedback. The BOOST model outlined above provides hints and tips to ensure that you are able to prepare and deliver feedback that will support students' development by offering them tangible evidence in a timely manner.
Other models that you may like to research are:
CORBS
—
SBI feedback
—
COIN
Any of these models can be used to deliver feedback. When using any of them, remember your feedback should be:
How communication works
—
Listening
—
Asking questions
—
Giving feedback
Clutterbuck, D. (1985). Everyone needs a Mentor
—
Pegg, M. (2000). The Art of Mentoring
—
Skills for Sucessful Mentoring
Answers to quiz
Clip 1
a. 6 / b. By Train / c. Near Roy and you
Clip 2
a. Naz, Jodie, Brenda / b. Juan / c. Wednesday
Clip 3
a. 7 years / b. 50 / c. We don't know
You will need to create a login to work through the resources on this site. This will allow you to pick up your progress right from where you left off, and to keep track of your actions. Your details will be stored securely in accordance with our privacy policy.
By creating a log in you will be able to pick up your progress right from where you left off. All you need to enter is your email address (for password retrievement) and a chosen password. We promise to never pass on any of your details.
You can reset your password by entering your email address below, you will receive an email containing instructions on what to do next.
To reset your password, please enter a new password below.
